Friday, October 07, 2005

Ugly/Beautiful


Maybe I’m just weird. Come to think of it I am weird, as the few deluded readers of this piss poor blog will be well aware. To finally confirm this weirdness, I have decided to open up and reveal my most closely guarded and shameful secret. I think that Tracey Emin* is extremely attractive.

Not many people will agree with me, but I think that this woman has something. I can’t put my finger on it exactly; she just seems to exude some kind of inexplicable sexual charisma. Buck toothed and awkward, with difficult hair, she may be, but she also exudes warmth and good humour. She might be ‘mad Tracey from Margate’, but you just know that being around her would be exciting.

There is a category of people that can only be described as ugly/beautiful. They are enormously sexually successful, without possessing any of the physical attributes normally associated with attractiveness. The young Mick Jagger is an example; all ungainliness and blubber lips, yet with a strange androgyny and sensitivity. Then there are the women that are described as ‘handsome’; not beautiful, but extremely striking. Quite a lot of models fall into this category. I suppose it’s their very angularity that makes them suitable for the camera.

Unfortunately I’m more plug ugly than ugly/beautiful. No mad Tracey for me, mores the pity.

* Controversial British Artist

28 comments:

Sniffy said...

Yep, she's certainly a bit of a pig to look at. I can't find any attraction to tell you the truth, I don't really like anything about her. But that's just my opinion. There's certainly difference between beautiful and attractive though. Many beautiful people are quite loathesome, with hideous personalities. You can be very average looking but be gusset-bustingly attractive. Those sorts of people make you go a bit whatsit when you're near them. It's a very nice feeling. So I've heard.

garfer said...

I think Madonna is a pig. So's Jordan.
I suppose beauty is subjective. Someone can have perfect facial symmetry and be physically perfect, but still manage to look dull and uninteresting.
Now that Yootha Joyce, I could have gone for her big time!

S.I.D. said...

Well done garfer.At least Tracey's an interesting shag of the week. Strange to say but I am curiously drawn towards her too.Wonder what it is?Hmmm

She could dirty my bed anytime,I could do with the money.

Sniffy said...

Now you're talking!

S.I.D. said...

Quick and dirty,just the way I like it.

Alex M said...

While I can't claim any particular attraction to Tracy E, I know where you're coming from. I've never been remotely attracted to most women who are considered conventionally beautiful (Debbie Harry excepted, of course). Character is infinitely more important than what we're told is perfection.

garfer said...

Tracey is spoken for cold earth. Keep your sick fantasies to yourself. Dirty my bed indeed!
Character is very important Alex, but won't fully compensate if the individual concerned is a stinky minger with a club foot. There are limits. I hope you enjoyed your baked beans last night.
Your blog doesn't seem to be accepting comments at the mo. is there a technical difficulty?

suburban wonder said...

I think it's Vin Diesel for me - ugly as homemade sin, but my! oh! my! I wouldn't throw him out of bed for eating crackers.

Uma Thurman (sorry Tina) is in that Ugly/Beautiful category for me. Woof, but in Dangerous Liaisons, she was sublime.

pissoff said...

Uma's hot. Come to think of it... she'd make a great shag of the week. I'm not too sure of this Tracey chick but I'll find out more and return.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Knowing your luck Garfy (and coldcolbrrritsfuckingfreezingthismorningearth), the only thing muckying your beds would probably be Tracey's Devils Treacle - she'd consider it a gift to you, probably.

Urrrgh. She's a vile fucking dog if ever there was one.

Agree with you about Madge and Jordan - a couple of Heinz 57 mongrels, the pair of 'em.

Mow Kim Wilde, on the other hand, she's a beauty to behold (although obviously I won't be handling the goods unless she has a secret she want's to share with me)

And what the fuck have you done to the weather this morning?

garfer said...

Believe me April, you don't want to know.
Uma Thurman is definitely in the ugly/beautiful category. She is, as Herge would say, 'foxy'.

garfer said...

Kim Wilde? For fuck's sake get a grip. She's a fat gardener.

Sniffy said...

Oh yeah, Uma would make a great shag of a lifetime. Is she gorgeous? Now I come to think of it, probably not, but it's what she does with is that counts. Jesus, she's hot in the Kill Bills.

S.I.D. said...

She could hack my arms off any day.

Yes she is definitely in the ugly/beautiful range.

MHN for short said...

It's usually some guy, that after I've really looked at him, reminds me of Dave that I find attractive. What can i say... I've got a weird thing for my husband. Annoying and boring, I know.

pissoff said...

My, my. Tracey is definitely a controversial English Artist isn't she? Hmmmm. Don't know what to say now that I know what she does. Hmmmm. Ahhh. Yeah.

Alex M said...

Uma's ok, but did you ever see "The Truth About Cats And Dogs". In it, she's a gorgeous model-type, while Jannine Garofolofololofolo or however you spell it is meant to be her frumpy mate who tells her what to say to win the affections of the leading man. Of course, it turns out that it's personality that matters in the end and while initially falling for Uma, when he realises that it's not her words coming out of her mouth he fall in love with her mate. Awww....

Only I'm totally unconvinced. I would have gone out with Janeane Garofalo (I looked it up) in a heartbeat and Uma wouldn't have gotten a look in, making for a (thanfully) much shorter movie.

Oh, and I've fixed me blog, so feel free comment away on my beans.

garfer said...

These comments have drifted too far in the Uma direction. Tracey is my true love, and she must not be ignored.
She was on the cover of todays Telegraph magazine looking fuckin' gorgeous ( well, her legs were nice at any rate).

Sniffy said...

It's just showing you what the real people want Garfer. Real people want UMA UMA UMA!!!

Wyndham said...

Tracy Emin has too much of the Albert Steptoes about her I'm afraid. You sleep with her, Garfer, the next thing you know you'll become an art installation and everyone will know it. Plus she looks the kind of girl who coughs her guts up every night in bed. Can't be doing with that.

How anyone could consider Uma ugly is beyond me.

becca said...

Tracey mad or not I think its also really attractive in a sort of STD infected sort of way, bless her. She never smiles like me. I guess since she was a twin she didn't get enough calcium and her teeth fell out at an early age. Her mouth is a contruction site of bridgework as I understand and she has some pretty rank case of herpes. she's still cute. You'd have to be a man made of very sturdy stuff me love, as she would be likely to drive you insane.

Did my husband just call me out to be a scunner? I'm really kind of cute in a clubfoot minger sort of way.

garfer said...

Look. Tracey is dead sexy. Could you all just fuck off and develop some taste.

Sniffy said...

Tracy is a moose

garfer said...

A sexy Moose though.

Rowan said...

no idea who she is.

Rowan said...

However, I simply love Angelina Jolie, and many tell me they cannot understand why, would she fit into ugly/beautifuL?

garfer said...

No, she's gorgeous (and just a bit frightening).

BigDov said...

Bit behind the times I know, but think beautiful is different from attractive. She's certainly not beautiful, but may be considered attractive as she has 'something about her'.

Personally I think she looks like a melted welly, but I'm no Rudolph Valentino, so each to their own