That joke isn't funny anymore.

I hate jokes. When I say jokes, I mean the interminable ones that drawl on and on, only to finish with a punch line that is completely lame or just wasn’t worth the effort of the build up.

Only incredibly boring people tell this type of joke. They usually have an infinite store of them, and are completely oblivious to the fact that they are boring the tits off everyone they encounter. Perhaps that’s why I don’t go to the pub much these days; there’s bound to be at least one twat that thinks he’s Dave Allen.

The problem is that you have to be polite to them. You’ve just been having a nice chat about quantum physics or whatever when suddenly, without warning, they launch into a joke about a polecat and a tambourine. You can’t really tell them to fuck off, and walk away: anyway, it might be their round. It’s best to give the impression that you are listening intently, and chuckle vigorously when they stop speaking.

I much prefer people who use one liners; the likes of Seinfeld say. The storytellers who go off on tangents are ok too. These types of joke are best left to the professionals, the rest of us are lucky if we come up with a few genuine witticisms in the course of a lifetime.