Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Pimp My Bouffant.


I was interested to note that Jack McConnell, Scottish First Minister, and widely acclaimed Old Labour political pygmy, has been off to New York to take tea and crumpets (or coffee and bagels) with the charming and urbane Donald Trump.

The United States seems to have a remarkable aptitude for producing multi billionaire tycoons who are complete and utter twats. The nerd like Bill Gates, and suburban homebody Warren Buffet, set the bar pretty high; but good old Trumpie manages to out jump them all with ease.

The man has the most remarkable comb over, the likes of which has not been seen in Britain since the heyday of the likes of Bobby Charlton and Arthur Scargill. Pathetic attempts to cover total male pattern baldness with a few scraped over strands of hair justifiably produced much enjoyment as onlookers yelled: “get a grip you bald twat, you look absolutely fucking ridiculous”.

Trump’s tonsure is even more remarkable as he manages to produce a bouffant effect, which can presumably only be kept in place by the liberal use of industrial strength hair spray. That this bouffant is ginger only adds to the amusement his appearance provokes.

Donald has been loudly proclaiming his Scottish ancestry (his mother was from the Isle of Lewis), and has informed Jack McConnell that he wishes to bring his entrepreneurial flair to the land of the kilt and caber. The poor bastard doesn’t know what he’s letting himself in for. Unlike our American cousins, Britons have a slightly disrespectful attitude towards extremely wealthy individuals. If his first step on Scottish soil is accompanied by a gust of wind which blows his bouffant into a vertical position, he can assured that he will be the recipient of a hearty and merciless piss taking.

38 comments:

Wyndham said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Wyndham said...

The shopping centre - sorry, mall - in the Trump Tower is hilarious, it's all burnished gold and all the shops only seem to sell diamante items. The man has a towering lack of taste - you can tell from his mall, his ridiculous hair and, of course, his girlfriends.

Sniffy said...

I liked Ivana, if only because her name sounded something like "I wanna Trump".

I've heard that his thatch is actually a toupe, but what on earth would possess somebody to get a wig like that????

Fuck, what a tosser.

S.I.D. said...

And what utter shiteness of a show "The Apprentice" was.

Trumped up rich wanker.

Sniffy said...

I never watched the Apprentice, but everyone I know at work did. Fucking sheep. It takes a lot to get me interested in anything on the telly and that that just sounded so shit that I had ZERO interest in it.

garfer said...

I have a dozen (slightly used) golf balls which are available at $10.
Get 'em here first or they go on ebay.

MHN for short said...

He really does need a decent haircut. Combovers are so "70's! No one will say anything to him because he's so rich. i guess they think that he can have them fired. Who knows? He is a twat.

suburban wonder said...

Oh, people have told him about his combover. Get this - he LIKES it! Yuck.

What's with the British prejudice against ginger hair, anyway? I'm partial to redheads, myself.

pissoff said...

I say take it down to the wood. No use trying to pretend it ain't happening. I was just saying that about someone else tonight. A friend has a friar tuck and I just say, take it off. Bald is in. I, at one time, used to take my hair almost down to the wood. Easy to look after and saves on hair product.

garfer said...

I tried a low maintenance No 1 crop once. I looked like a concentration camp victim, and being a pale celt the top of my head got sunburnt.
If it ever comes to it, it will have to be a toupee for me.

surly girl said...

hurray for toops. can you make it a really obvious one? they're th best sort.

S.I.D. said...

I like mine short as possible,though I do get mistaken as a policeman because of it.Don't know why?

Evening all.

Aginoth said...

Are you sure thats not a wig?

Sniffy said...

April used to have a crew cut? No firggin' way!

Rowan said...

LOL :) yeah, no love lost over here....guys a dick.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Urrrrrgh!

Kill it! Kill it hard!

MHN for short said...

When Dave used the No.1, he looked like the unibomber.

I had a flat top with long bangs in the late 80's. I loved it, used to tip the ends dark blue.

Sniffy said...

You see Michelle, we don't know what bangs are over here, apart from the loud noises and shag-type bangs. I think you're referring to a "fringe"?

MHN for short said...

Bangs/Fringe: the hair that hangs over your forhead, but not past your chin. and at the time, they were asymetrical. :-) Quite a shock for the old hometown. Then some "skinny chick" copied my haircut and I grew it out and found a new look. I can't stand copy katters. Find your own style wankers! urgh!

pissoff said...

Garfer... where the hell did you go?

Tazzy and Piggy said...

Wake up and post, you lazy cake-scoffing bastard.

We've read this one sixteen thousand times already.

Hurry up, before we send Tina round to mess up your hair.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

April with a crew cut? She must have looked like an inmate from Belsen.

The most glamorous inmate, obviously.

S.I.D. said...

Your dead aren't you?

Sniffy said...

I can't cope with these disappearing bloggers, it worries me.

Hope everything's OK Garfer.

S.I.D. said...

He's overdosed on kebabs or teacakes.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

The teacakes have eaten him.

I hope he's not really dead. I was looking forward to Crimbo and that'll spoil it.

Do you think his coffin will be sponsored by Tunnocks?

MHN for short said...

Hey babe! Where are you?

Betty said...

I think he has eloped to Paris with some bint.

Mind you, I like a happy ending, me.

Sniffy said...

Paris? GARFER IN PARIS??? FRANCE???? no way. I think P&T aer right, he's probably dead.

S.I.D. said...

Would he be embalmed with that creamy goo inside the teacakes?Hmmm

Merkin said...

Garfer's not in Paris. He's in New Yawk with a set of Wahl clippers, putting his money where his .. er .. blog is. Grade 2 all over for the Trumpster, Garf. He deserves it, the ginger twat.

Betty said...

Oh, alright, I'll admit I was a bit too upbeat suggesting he was in Paris.

He went to New York, then got back home but there was a gas leak and he fell unconscious on Friday night, never to recover. At this moment his entrails are being devoured by a number of rats, mice and cockroaches.

Is that more like it?

Piggy and Tazzy said...

I thing coldearth's right. He stuffed himself to the point of a heart attack on teacakes and became naturally embalmed with that sticky white stuff (no, not *that* white stuff).

Right now, I bet next doors dog is seizing the opportunity to shag his upturned arse, just before the maggots take over (and we all know how maggots love all that sugary stuff).

Can't someone go round and break into his gaff and install a webcam so that we can all watch?

S.I.D. said...

Would you risk it?

You could end up on the end of a kebab spit.

Rainypete said...

It's not a wig, it's a palstic thing that snaps onto his head like a lego person's hair does. He won't go bald because then everyone will see the little nubby on top of his head that makes him look like the tit that he is.

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