Friday, October 31, 2008

Going, Going,...............Gorn.


I an vamoosing, pissing off to greener pastures, dancing the light fandango as I prepare to step fearlessly into the wilds of untamed Cumbria. With little more than a knapsack, a gnarled walking stick, and a bar of Kendal mint cake I will subsist on the bounty provided by mother nature. I shall drink deep of her pendulous udder as I sleep 'neath the stars and a gentle breeze ruffles my tent.

The truth, I am afraid, is rather more prosaic.

A comfortable warm cottage and lots of eating and drinking are a more realistic and desirable prospect. I shall take a few short untiring strolls, as long as there aren't any steep slopes and it isn't raining (which it will be).

I'm hoping that Julia Bradbury will be about, doing her hiking thing. Being ,as always, the perfect gentleman I shall offer to massage her weary limbs..



Which will be nice.

10 comments:

Sniffy said...

You ARE a gentleman, aren't you?

Don't exert yourself too much, you wouldn't want the embarrassment of calling on mountain rescue and having yourself laughed at by viewers of Northwest Tonight.

MJ said...

You’ll send us a shot like this one, won’t you?

garfer said...

sniffy

I shall rescue Julia from a bleak fell and be hailed for my heroism on Northwest Tonight.

mj

Nobody walks about with bare knackers in Cumbria. They would get frost bite and fall off.

Sniffy said...

You are a real hero Garfer. If only the world knew, it would be such a better place. Obama shmama, you're the one the world needs.

garfer said...

Yes, Julia could be my First Lady.

We would rule justly and graciously.

KAZ said...

WHAT?
You're coming south?
Don't forget the factor 15 and sunhat.

pissoff said...

Our our Surviorman (which is much better than Man Vs. Wild btw).

Sniffy said...

I though Uma Thurman would be your first lady? You're so fickle.

Arabella said...

What's it like, staying in other holiday cottages? Do you run a finger over surfaces and look for mice poo?

garfer said...

Uma is my first love, but I'd settle for Julia.

I don't use a white glove Arabella, but I do complain when there is a crap wireless signal - which in this case there is.