Tuesday, October 21, 2008

You will know me by the trail of my dead


Some people have phobias; I'm cool with that, but some people are so foaming at the mouth phobic about inconsequentials that they really should be bound, gagged, and chucked in the nearest canal.

This is the time of year when Mr Mousey Mouse likes to come in and play. He is annoying, I'll grant you; what with his incontinence and penchant for chewing everything to shreds. They don't bother me much, mice; I just catch or poison the little buggers. As far as I'm concerned they're just an iritating fact of life like hangovers, or politicians.

Unfortunately I had another guest from hell last week who subjected me to a tirade of abuse because a mouse had got into her house. She seemed to think that it is a policy of mine to let vermin infested houses to Joe Public. How does she expect me to stop intrepid rodents from gaining ingress? Perhaps I should erect machine gun towers and lace the boundaries with anti personnel mines.

She reported me to the Environmental Health, who laughed and marked her complaint down as 'unsubstantiated'.

Mad bint.

12 comments:

MJ said...

What time does your glove puppet show begin?

*books front row seat*

garfer said...

Punch and Judy show more like.

KAZ said...

I'm frog phobic - but you can send all your mouses and spiders to me and I won't abuse you.
I am impressed by your brave use of the semi - colon (twice).

Sniffy said...

Perhaps you should offer each guest the loan of a cat for the duration of their stay.

I think that particular woman should've been throttled, her body dismembered and the bits hung from each of your cabins as a warning to anybody else who might want to complain. Environmental health might have something to investigate if you did that.

Do you get complaints about midges too?

garfer said...

Your Kermitophobia must be a trial Kaz, have you considered therapy?

Sometimes the Germans ask: 'vot are
ze little biting animals?'.

Sniffy said...

Just tell them that they're escaped experimental biological warfare agents from the war, designed to hunt down and kill Nazi bastards.

Peevish McSnark said...

I don't like mice, either. The WCM kills them for a living (his cancer research uses a mouse model). Whenever they invade our home, I make the WCM put out the traps and handle the carcasses. Blech.

Now, insects, on the other hand... I can't stand them and run for the hoover to suck them all up.

FirstNations said...

every year, soon as they harvest the feed corn and the rains start i get my first uninvited rodent guest, who subesquently dies a horrible death and is hucked out into the neibors field for the crows. you can really get 'em whuppin if you swing them by the tail.

have you ever noticed that male mice all die with an erection? they do.

Puppy and Hippo said...

Awwww. I like we meeces.

I found the man who did Fingerbobs a bit strange though. Very.

garfer said...

peevish

You have giant cockroaches, which is one reason why I won't be emigrating.

fn

Didn't the mad scientists breed a mutant mouse with an extra penis growing on its back? Or maybe it was an extra ear.

puppy and hippo

He always wore a cravat, which was very suspicious.

pissoff said...

Noooo mice must die. I stopped at the vet the other day to buy some dog flea stuff. While I"m standing there this girl comes in saying "I found him on the road." Well, she had found a fucking rat that had been hit by a car and had picked it up and taken it to the vet. I, of course, screamed when I saw it. Nasty.

garfer said...

Get a grip woman, you share 99% of your genes with mice.

You should invite them round for dinner.