Thursday, August 04, 2005

Oh Danny Boy

Every time I catch a glimpse of this prancing tit, I feel like reaching for a large tin bucket and vomiting long and copiously.
Ireland has a long and ignoble tradition of producing godawful crooners like Daniel O'Donnell. Most of them aren't heard beyond the confines of the emerald isle. They make a living singing at dancehalls and weddings; churning out cover versions of pop hits and lachrymose Irish standards. The pissed numpties at these events lap it up like their mothers milk.
It's when one of them makes it onto the world stage that everyone with an iota of Irish blood in them starts to cringe.
The ear torturing 'Lady in Red' by the truly dreadful Chris de Burgerbar is one example. Daniel O'Donnell
is the personification of all that is utterly ghastly about this deplorable cultural export.
I mean, just look at him. The coiffured, blow-dried mullet, the head coyly propped on the extended fingers: he's every post-menopausal, sexually frustrated aunty Deirdre's dream hunk 'o' spunk. I can understand why women of a certain age used to chuck their knickers at Tom Jones when he was shaking his crotch at Las Vegas. But this cretin? It beggars belief.
The worst thing of all is that he is a really nice chap who is kind to his mother, doesn't drink, and doesn't cheat on the wife.
WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE SHOOT HIM.

18 comments:

Wyndham said...

I have met the odious Chris DeBurgerbar - all in the line of duty. His handshake was suitably clammy. Still get a chill down my spine thinking about it.

Didn't he buy the Alien chestburster at an auction, or something? Presumably so that there's a creature even more ugly in his house.

garfer said...

I think he had an affair with his nanny a la Jude Law.
He really is a talentless fuckwit.

Herge Smith said...

Was that before or after Lady in Red?

Daniel O'Donnell always makes me think of Father Ted. He has that naff old lady appeal.

He's a lovely wee man though... that'll do.

garfer said...

I think 'the lady in red' divorced the tosser and walked off with half his wealth. Good on 'er.
You appear to have suspicious Daniel sympathies. You obviously haven't seen him doing his rock 'n' roll act in his white suit. Believe me, it is hand grenade material.

Wyndham said...

An O'Donnellite! Call the Secret Police!

garfer said...

Too right. Admiring Father Ted singing 'My Lovely horse' is one thing. Harbouring a barely concealed affection for O'Donnell the Dreadful is quite another.

Sniffy said...

He looks like he's had a stroke (in the medical sense) in that picture.

A truly awful thing for the Irish to have inflicted on the world - almost as bad as St Pat's day where people try to force every other nation on the planet to be Irish. Tossers.

garfer said...

St Pat's day is very popular in Ireland. It's a day off. Days off are very popular. You can go to the zoo, but getting pissed on Guinness is miles better.
Guinness was invented by a methodist teetotaler. How Irish is that?

Sniffy said...

Hence the "Guinness is good for" advertising slogan?

I don't mind St Pat's daying being big in Ireland, but why the fuck is it celebrated in England? Bloody mad, I tell you!

garfer said...

Just an excuse to get pissed I 'spose.
It's the American St Pats Day parades that get me. Pass the hat and contribute a few dollars to the psycho balaclava kalashnikov sunglass wearing oppressed Oirish retirement fund.

Sniffy said...

We've got a lot to thank the Yanks for their contribution to the War on Terror that was going on in the UK for years. Some people are complete tossers.

garfer said...

They used to ask 'why don't you just talk to these people?'
Haven't seen old Osama round the White House for coffee and muffins recently.

Sniffy said...

Actually, Northern Ireland is very lucky that it wasn't "liberated" by coalition forces.

It could still happen; I hear there's an insurgents' uprising there this very evening.

garfer said...

Are you sure it's not just an 'insuranceagent's' evening?
Har Har. Boom Boom. I'll get me coat.

Sniffy said...

Boom boom, indeed!

Ho ho ho, you're on top form, Mr Garfer.

becca said...

my mom and alex's mum are total dedicated followers. Right Alex bought a DOD calendar for my mom last year and quietly asked the salesman if he could ahem..put it in a brown paper bag for him. my mates from belfast tell me he has a teacup shaped flower garden in front of his house. its the stuff of nightmares really.
well..better get back to making my leprechaun costume and contributing to the war on terror..so busy!!
"when irish eyes are smiling..we'll use our stealth technology to steal your oiillll awaaayyyyyy"

garfer said...

There is definitely some strange hormonal imbalance that occurs in women over a certain age. This Daniel fixation requires in depth psychological investigation.
I'm sure that there must be cure. One can but hope.

Haggiswurst said...

I much preferred Eoin McLove (Father Tead episode 'The Night of the Nearly Dead')