Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ridiculous Shirt and Tie Combinations

Some people are totally devoid of dress sense. Ok, I'm no fashion plate, but I know better than to walk around in public looking like a complete and utter fuckwit. Like it or not, we are judged on our personal appearance. Who hasn't noticed the lycra encased lardarses wandering around our shopping centres, and not sneered inwardly? Can someone please tell these people that skimpy cutaway tops are not appropriate for people with fat, dimpled, whey coloured upper arms.
It's not just the women; our menfolk are drab and lumpen. Football top, baggy shapeless jeans from Littlewoods and cheap Tesco white trainers appear to be the order of the day.
As you move up the social scale things don't improve much. It doesn't take much imagination to get yourself booted and suited. You'll probably look anodyne, and no one will give you a second glance: but that's the point really. It's a uniform designed to let you blend in, a decently dressed and reliable individual. Easy.
A couple of years ago everything went tits up. The cutaway shirt collar, often a different colour from the shirt, became popular. About the same time, single breasted suits with skinny lapels, and fattly knotted lurid ties, became de rigeur. The combination looks totally fucking ridiculous.
Fashions come and go, but looking like a complete twat, whatever the current trend, is something that we possess a national genius for.
Income is no barrier to appearing a twat. BBC news reporters have taken to the fat tie/cutaway collar trend with a vengeance. One in particular favours fat purple ties. His lapels are so high that they're parallel with his earlobes. All in all, he deserves to be taken round the back of Broadcasting House and given a good kicking. The fucktard gets a huge clothing allowance, paid for by our taxes, and blows it on looking like a total mong. TOSSER.


Herge Smith said...

The fat tie = twat. Agree. These are particularly favoured by the thick and the gary. A real gary will often have a fat tie that is either as big as, or bigger than his head. He will also over-processed hair, big meat cufflinks, one of those chains on his wrist that has a place for his name (in case he forgets it) a massive belt buckle and huge shoes, like blacked up spacemen boots.

Also, I never owned a shirt with a different colour collar, always thought they were hideous

Catpee said...

I even remember back in my schooldays, fashions for how you wore your school tie came and went.

Herge Smith said...

I remember it was as thin as possible, with the back bit at the front and fat bit tucked inside the shirt.

Rebel yeah!

Sniffy said...

This post covers one of my fave subjects and contains just about all of my favourie words. Thank you so much.

I hate that shirt with the same coloured tie look that's favoured by Chris Tarrant. In fact, that's all he EVER wears. Tosspot.

garfer said...

I am glad that some of my fellow bloggers share my hatred of daft collars and ties.
I was offline yesterday due to the Fujitsu Seimens broadband monkeys ballsing up the phonelines.
I fancy getting one of those tailor made suits and a few Jermyn Street suits. Quite pricey, but a least they'd fit properly.

Herge Smith said...

I've always fancied a proper suit - handmade that looks fab, rather than some off the peg shit.

When I worked at an IT company, I was sent out to a job in Gieves & Hawkes (No.1 Saville Row). I was suited and booted, of course. I was talking to the manager, a nice chap and I innocently asked "What's the cheapest suit in here?" and without a beat he said,"Probably the one you're wearing".

He was not wrong.

garfer said...

To quote Withnail again:
'This suit was cut by Hawkes of Saville Row. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean ANYTHING'.

Haggiswurst said...

Here at Mingleton Town Hall there is a 'dress code' for 'professionals'; the latest fad is the motive cufflinks promoting the golf club, rotary, or local brothel emblem.
I wear a tie (not fat not purple) but never cufflinks and no pinstripe suits!

garfer said...

I quite like the idea of brothel cufflinks. I would fell all manoftheworldish with a pair of those. I could get some brothel creepers to go with them.

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