Friday, July 29, 2005

Intelligent Twits

Gyles Brandreth. The new face of Countdown.
Britain has a unique talent for producing highly intelligent individuals who manage to give the impression that they are utter fucktards. Gyles Brandreth is one of this breed and is eminently punchable. As far as I can make out his achievements to date amount to founding the National Scrabble Championship, and a teddy bear sanctaury at Stratford upon Avon. John Major made him minister for something utterly inconsequential in the last Tory Government. That isn't saying much though; Major also thought that Jeffrey Archer and Neil Hamilton were suitable for high office.
I am glad to hear that Gyles has been chosen to replace Richard Whitely as anchorman of Countdown. Whitely was also an intelligent twit. He made an entire career out of appearing to be utterly clueless.
There are many more examples of the intelligent twit and their inexorable rise in all spheres of public life.
Will Self is a particularly irritating example. Self seems to be incapable of composing one of his convoluted sentences without chucking in at least two or three obscure words. Take the following:
"....Zephyrs crouching beyond the four corners, Mercator stretching landmasses like silly putty, anthropophagi burying their head in the fizzing sands of Tierra del Fuego, unicorns prancing about Ultima Thule".
The intelligent twit gets paid £1000 a week for spouting this sort of shite in The Independent.
There are many, many others. I haven't got time to go into the details of their individual twitness, but here are some for you to contemplate at your leisure:
  • Stephen Fry
  • John Sessions
  • Hugh Laurie
  • Tony Benn
  • Sigmund Freud
  • Tom Paulin
  • Jimmy Saville


Herge Smith said...

Great list.

But I am applied - Dandruff is not fit to lick the cold dead feet of Whitely - plus he was an out and out tory!

Good shout on Well - he really is Britains no.1 pretentious twat, I wish, just once someone would say to him at a reading, or on telly 'for fucksake what in Christs name are you going on about?'.

Fab posting.

garfer said...

Before he popped his clogs some of the tabloids were suggesting that Whitely was a love rat and five time a night man. No bloody wonder. If I had to sit opposite Richard Stilgoe on a regular basis I'd be looking for some serious totty to expunge the memory.
I'd like to beat Carol 'vacuous' Vorderman about the head with a wet kipper. "No, I don't want a fookin loan".

Sniffy said...


John fucking Sessions, fucking Stephen Bastard Fucking Fry, Hugh cunting Laurie, AAARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What about tony slattery? He's a cock too.

garfer said...

Slattery went seriously psychotic. He was drinking three bottles of vodka a day and popping pills by the bucket load.
Unfortunately he has recovered and will no doubt appear on our screens to torment us at some point in the future.

Sniffy said...

Hate them all, the stuck up Guardian-reading tossers.